I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is wine microwaveable?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
