Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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