In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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