help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
