he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
