I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
