You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
