he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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