Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
