I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize