smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
