Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
