I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so let's talk penis.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
