Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All the doctor said was why
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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