I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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