i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
