Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
