Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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