The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
