Porn is love you can see.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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