No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
