wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
