I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Come share oat with me in your robe
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
