We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
