VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
