Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
