dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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