so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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