Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We have so much sex to catch up on
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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