I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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