2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't deserve a penis
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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