dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
