We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Of course I have a pirate flag
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize