I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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