I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
