i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
