I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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