Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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