A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
