the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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