She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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