he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
