Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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