Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
