He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
