my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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