You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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