That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize