Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
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