Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
