you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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