Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
