Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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