My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
