That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Will exercising make me less horny?
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