went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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