roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
