They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
