At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
