im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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