Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
