He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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