i permit you to call me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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