yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
