Say something about gay babies.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
