Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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