I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize