that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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