Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
