holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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