just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
