My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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