So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
