i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He? As in you personified your dick?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
