I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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