Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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