i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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