Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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