You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
