im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
