What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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