Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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