I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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