I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
