he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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