theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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