He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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