I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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