I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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