I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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