Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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