in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
