This girl is more easily done than said...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
