i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
